oh look, i started a blog

im not blogging because its 'cool', im blogging because i need to get shit off my chest and ive heard this helps

i have no idea how to blog, so dont expect anything great. im dylan, but i guess you know that. what you didnt know is i dont trust people easily, especially with my heart. its who i am, and i am ashamed of being me. i dont care what most people think, but what i think, and what the people closest to me do. i know my life isnt that bad compared to others, but i dont really give a fuck, i am who i am and unless i know you, how can i be all that sympatheitc to your situation?

there are certain people who shouldnt read my blog, and i think you know who you are. if not, then its the people who have hurt me, broken a seemingly important part of me. but thats another story for another time.

like now for example. ive recently come into some good luck, after what seemed ages of rejection, i got the girl i so desperately wanted. i have no idea how, i thought i wasnt even close to good enough. turns out i was right. a week and a half. now im told its to awkward to be with me, after a couple of days of her being weird towards me. one day we've spent alone, and she refuses to give it more time. "i think we're better off as friends" "we were closer when we were friends". bull shit. when we were 'friends', i never got to hold you, or say certain things without them beeing weird. now i cant even say how i feel without you shooting me down. im so depressed i could shit. actually, thats not a bad idea, give me a second.........

ok, where was i? ahh yes, my home life. i live with my mum and her fiance of ohh, lets say about 7 years or so? my dad lives in gosford, and i dont see him nearly as much as i would like. everytime we say goodbye a piece of me dies, and i feel down for days. i last saw him on saturday, and would have been sad about saying goodbye again, but i was looking forward to seeing my girlfriend the next day.

this was a sunday, it went well, or so i thought. im told it was to awkward, but did she tell me this on the day? no, she tells me a few days later, the same dat she says she wants to break up. fuckin great, the only times ive cried in the last 5 or more years and theyre about a fuckin girl, a chick i like, someone who says she likes me, but doesnt want to be with me. great. so now i draw to ease the pain. but not on paper, on myself. right now, my arm, half my chest/stomach, and half of both my legs are covered in blue ink. usually i stop at a little on one leg, but i need the extra room to try and feel better. it didnt work.

i guess i should stop here, maybe have another go tomorrow. all i can say to finish is i am greatful for all my friends, even the ones who may think i dont like them as much as i used to. your all great, and im not sure what i would do without yous.

youve read my blog, and youve gained insight into who i am

D